shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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