YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
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Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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