Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i think my cat just said my name.
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I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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