peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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