You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize