i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize