five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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