just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize