Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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