great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Let's paint friendship bongs
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize