he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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