Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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