Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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