Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
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i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You are a genius and a whore.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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