I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I have tasted many bathrooms
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize