I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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