His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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