everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
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your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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