a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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