can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
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Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
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My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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