matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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