i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize