please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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