i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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