i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
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I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
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