drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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