I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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