I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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