i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize