I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
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Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
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I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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