every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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