I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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