I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
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I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
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Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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