They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
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My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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