im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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