Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
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He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
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Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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