I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
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She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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