just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
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Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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