Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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