She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
pop tarts are not kleenex
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she peed on how many people?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize