I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
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I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
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There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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