The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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