I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize