Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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