so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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