my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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