Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize