Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize