Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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