Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
